Autumnal Equinox
A Letter to Bear.
Lines taken from a letter , On the Autumnal
equinox 1997, referencing to the loss of his daughter Stephanie
who had returned to her mother.
Dearest Friend,
Once more I sit in pensive mood, between the night and dawn,
A time when all is undisturbed, placid and unstirring.
And sof t within a gentle heart, a moment shared, is filled
once more
With life. As retrospective eyes do gaze,
O’er all these hours, as candles burn, to bring to mind
A thought of laughter and philosophy, when shared, as oft
has been
Our rapture, is much more than can be found, in words to remenisce.
Your presence here is sorely missed, as onward flows this
year,
But ne’er so much as at these times, when likened spirits
Geminate, as here this night, our hearts do join as one to
offer thanks
For this time, a time when fruits of labours borne are
Gathered for the feast. And yet this feast evades us still,
which agitates
This mind, as you sojourn in Northern burg, and I, your
Brother, in the south by sea do wait upon your winged return.
These thoughts lay soft, within a mind of velitations, for
Your return is soon to pass.
Foreseen is your true residence, and cheek
By jowl we’ll be, while one, whose spirit moves me so, is
Distanced leaving troubled mind and heavy heart.
Seven faces of this Moon, Piscean guided be, have passed,
yet dwelt as
Seven months, since she and I did part.
Each morning with the rising sun, and I have held each one,
As sleep evades a troubled heart where heavy burdens dwell,
Her gentle murmurs, softly heard,
Where empty couch did once contain the sweetest child within.
I miss her so, my gentle child, and know I’m not alone, for
Troubled is the heart I love, my own sweet bride, Leanne.
And you, my brother, held her dear, this much has been revealed.
Perhaps some part of your distress has been to miss her near.
For me the battle rages on, its field my aching heart,
Too many moons have lit this sky, since we were first to part.
I’ve lain to rest so many ghosts, which from that time
Did rise, but here is one, which will not rest, and lingers
with me still.
I question hard, to no avail, should I now sieze my child.
Upon the eve of that sad morn, from whence this burden came,
we
Wandered free, by Sennen’s shore, my love, my child and
Me. The moon was full, as were our hearts, we laughed and
cried, all
Three, we watched a child, so full of glee, who danced
And played within the sea, which lapped upon that moonlit
shore, and
Washed away the words we wrote, upon the sand , with
Trembling hand, that Stephanie should stay.
Within the hour her heart did break, and mine, I sorely
Add, no doubt my wife’s, who held us both, was breaking just
as bad.
With saddened eyes and tear stained cheek, she spoke
With my poor wife, and begged her not to let her go! So sad
it was,
A child just five, should know so deep a pain.
What lingers so, within my mind, and keeps me yet from sleep,
is how
Upon that silent morn, she tried so, not to weep.
So different was the child who left us standing all alone.
For when she came, with hair in plaits, and frock so
Neatly pressed, so goodly was her nature, yet, her spirit
felt oppressed.
So little was the time it took, for me to realise, she asked
Of me, with longing heart, to open up her eyes. And in the
time she
Rested here, I watched her spirit grow, in freedom, so
New found, she grew, her soul again re-born. She knew her
way,
Her mind alive, and here she would sojourn.
And grow she did, for when she left, with drum upon her back,
in
Denims with her hair blown free, she set aside the pack.
Such pride felt I, within my heart, she was my very own, and
though
We part, with heavy heart, we’ll never be alone.
Such knowledge in her mind had she, for with a tearful eye,
she packed
Her spirit in her bag and waved a sad goodbye.
I recognised my Gemini, though young, not so naive. Who’d
hold her
Memories in her dreams, and there would run upon the
Beach, she loved and knew so well, and yet in waking, she
would be,
The child who they would want to see. This way she would
Retain her gift and cause no grief to either part, a child
with such a tender
Heart, who knows her way so well.
And often, when alone I sit, I hear the drum, as now, and
know, she calls
Her spirit and returns, to sing and dance upon the beach,
And play amongst the waves so free, and rest a moment here
with me,
Tis her who teaches me!
I had forgotten this, my friend, that is, until she called.
My countenance
Much brighter now upon this Autumn morn.
I pray that I’ve not troubled you, with stories from my heart,
my tendence
But to share my thoughts, of which you play a part.
In all my education, which I have often cursed, there is a
part which
Springs to mind, in which I am well versed.
To place a pen upon a page, and ply your thoughts and fears,
can open up
The tightest eyes, and there release the tears.
For locked within a mind so deep they aggravate the pain,
but when
Released as I have done, they help us smile again.
These thoughts expressed, with sincere heart, can bring to
life a past,
And there allow it free to dance, the spell, for me, is cast.
A smile upon my countenance, refreshed by this new dawn, may
pass to
You, my dearest friend, that you may feel it’s warmth.
I raise a glass and toast to you, and wish your safe return.
For only one
Could share my thoughts, which to reveal would be so hard,
To any but my brother, my friend and fellow Bard!
Goddess be with you.
Maélwys /|\
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